


i love you but i don't like you

by astronomii



Series: hey pretty stranger, i think you look cute [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Closure, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hospital Setting, Lots of arguments, Minor Game Spoilers, Other, Past Brainwashing, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Use, Past Substance Abuse, Reader-Insert, Reconciliation, Slow Build, somewhat follows canon storyline, the choi twins are trying their best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-04-12 02:22:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19122649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astronomii/pseuds/astronomii
Summary: If there was one person Saeran didn't want visiting him more than his twin, Saeyoung, it would be you, the person who unceremoniously ruined everything.





	i love you but i don't like you

**Author's Note:**

> Starts from the Secret Ending.

In contrast to Mint Eye, the hospital he's at is too bright, too white. He _hates_ it. The entire setting it sickening. It's a constant reminder of his failure. He failed. There was no more paradise. Saeran grips the bed sheets so tightly in his fists that his knuckles turn the same color as the walls. The doctors, nurses, and the stupid therapist they requested for him all treat him the same, like he's something that's broken and needs to be fixed. He's _not_ broken, he doesn't _want_ to be fixed.

Then, there's his brother. Saeran hasn't seen him yet, but he's resolved himself enough that if his traitorous brother showed up, he would kill him. Lastly, there was you. The stupid, naive girl he picked up off the streets, the one who would've been the catalyst for leading the RFA to paradise. What had gone wrong? What mistake had he made? He was so sure, so careful in planning everything. Saeran wanted to carry out the savior's exact orders, but what had gone awry? Certainly, it was the hacker's fault. The traitor. He influenced you enough to shatter everything in Saeran's carefully formulated plans. It was all _his_ fault.

There's a soft click of the door and someone steps inside. It's you. Why are you here? Why aren't you with the traitor? You close the door behind you as if you weren't worried about what would happen to you. Saeran hurt you, he used you, why weren't you afraid?

You walk into the room and there's just something in your eyes, he thinks it might be pity. He doesn't like it. Your gaze is inquisitive, there's caution too, but it's masked by the many other emotions you're portraying. Saeran pretends like it doesn't bother him, like it doesn't pick at and crawl under his skin, but that doesn't help the fact that you're making him uncomfortable. You make him angry, and he doesn't even have a rational reason why. You smooth out your long skirt, before taking a seat in one of the available chairs by the wall. The two of you don't speak for a bit, you're too engrossed with staring at him as if you were trying to see what'd he do next, and he was just trying to figure out why you were here. 

Saeran notices the way you clasped your shaky hands together in your lap to compose yourself. Perhaps you were more nervous than he had initially let on. A sort of sick satisfaction twisted in his gut upon that revelation. He watched you carefully, eyeing you like a predator would prey. It was laughable, really, that he was still the one in control even though he donned the hospital gown and was currently stuck in the room. You speak up first, staring at him directly in the eyes. You ask how he's doing, and how he's feeling, and Saeran can't help but feel like you're looking down on him. 

He blinked in disbelief, and he analyzed the way you straightened up your posture, probably as a sign that you were no longer as afraid. You should be though, you _should_ be wary, because he's dangerous, perhaps he needed to remind you of this fact. That's when the yelling starts. You flinch as if you were burned, your eyes immediately dropping to your lap, and this spurs him to continue. Saeran loses track of all the hateful things he's said after awhile, but he just refuses to stop yelling even when his mouth grows dry and his throat feels raw. What he hates the most is the fact that you just sit there placidly and take all the insults without even bothering to defend yourself. You rest, calm and polite, as he picks at your character and personality and insecurities. 

When he's done, his head is left spinning, much like how he feels after taking the elixir dozens of times before, and his breathing is ragged like he has just ran the marathon. As he waits for his heart to catch up to the pounding of his mind, you speak up, but you don't even look at him. You talk about mundane things that Saeran doesn't bother to pay attention or care about. You elaborate on things the doctors have already drilled into his mind, and then you bring up the fact that Seven—just Saeyoung, now—was about ready to be discharged from the hospital and Saeran feels his heart lodge in the back of his throat. His thoughts are frantic and completely haywire and all he can think is no, no, no, _no_ —the traitor was about to leave him behind again just like he did when they were younger.

And then, the screaming starts again. 

He finds comfort in yelling with unrestricted anger, it makes him feel safe if he keeps people at a distance. The ones closest to you would only hurt you the most; he knows that, he's grown up knowing that—his mother, Saeyoung, the Savior, V; they all hurt him. But you, you're the only person who's ever remained true to him. You, the naive girl he picked up off the streets to become the RFA party planner, did everything without ever expecting something in return. There was so much ridiculous goodness in you that made him angry. If he had been born a little stronger, a little more blessed, could he have lived a life as a normal person, a plain, ordinary, and boring person, just like you did?

Although he thinks that and expresses that verbally, his heart disagrees. You're not boring, you're not plain, you're not ordinary, Saeran thinks you're a wonderful person who bathes in the light and he's so jealous that the envy that churns in his gut translates everything as pure loathing. There's a permanent frown that's set on your face and he can't help but feel relief at that expression. Good, you should hate him just as much as he hates you. Only, he doesn't hate you, and that notion causes a light fluttery feeling to bloom in his chest. 

But he doesn't like you. 

Saeran is exhausted by the time he's finally finished all he's wanted to say. His thoughts seemed to spin like the planets that revolve around the Sun, and the lights began to flicker in his vision ever so slightly. You seem quiet and deeply absorbed in your thoughts, but when you finally meet his eyes, you smile, thank him for his time, and promise to meet him whenever you can. His only reply is snarl and a promise to completely ruin you the next time you visited, but he knew in his heart he could never go through with his empty threat. 

The quirk of your lips upwards told him that you knew just as much, and you left without saying another word, shutting the door quietly behind you as you exited, almost as silently as a ghost, leaving no traces that you were ever there in the first place. Saeran lays back into the plush mattress of the hospital bed, and he thinks about you and how foolish you must be to even think about seeing him again, but as he thinks about you, he can't help think immense feeling of reassurance that comes with your words. 

For the first time in years, he feels a sliver of hope in his heart as he closes his eyes, and he starts to look forward to the future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i try not to write author's notes but in this story, i will try to limit dialogue for no other reasons than to reflect on myself as a writer and a challenge to write without conversation. happy 4th of july if you celebrate!! i'll prbly fix this later uh


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